Everyone makes mistakes. How often do you harp on them and wish you could have done something differently? You may say to yourself, “If only I had…” or “I should have ….” or “I shouldn’t have…” This kind of thinking leads you nowhere. It actually keeps you stuck in the past.
Could, Shoulda, Prada
When looking back, it’s easy to pinpoint certain things and notice where you could have done something differently. It’s sometimes hard to see the bigger picture when you’re in the moment and emotions are involved.
You can’t go back in time. What’s done is done. So what’s the point of beating yourself up over something you should have done? It leads you nowhere. You have the choice to either stay stuck in the past and feel miserable about what happened, or you can learn from the experience and move forward.
Could, Shoulda, Prada
When looking back, it’s easy to pinpoint certain things and notice where you could have done something differently. It’s sometimes hard to see the bigger picture when you’re in the moment and emotions are involved.
You can’t go back in time. What’s done is done. So what’s the point of beating yourself up over something you should have done? It leads you nowhere. You have the choice to either stay stuck in the past and feel miserable about what happened, or you can learn from the experience and move forward.
Negative Thinking Patterns
Many people engage in negative thinking patterns. One of many is known as “should statements.” People who use should statements often feel guilt and depression. You beat yourself up for something you “should” have done. Your thoughts then turn into feelings of inadequacy.
When you think in terms of “should,” you take yourself back into the past. You nitpick and try to re-examine something that has already happened. You get down on yourself for something you should have done. If you can’t change what happened, why do you spend so much time dwelling on what could have been?
How Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda Thinking Leads to Low Self-Esteem
Maybe you’re used to being super critical of yourself. You tell yourself negative things all the time. Telling yourself you should have done something is perhaps a regular thing for you.
If a friend of yours or someone you care about were saying those same statements, would you be as harsh on them as you are on yourself? Think about it. You’d probably have more compassion and tell them something along the lines of “Next time you can do it differently” or “Let’s look at what we can do/change,” or “What’s the point in thinking about that past mistake?”
Instead of looking at things that may have gone right in the situation, you turn to look at what you did wrong. This never feels good. The more you tell yourself how bad of a job you did or how horrible something turned out, the worse you’re going to feel about yourself.
Self-esteem is determined by how you perceive yourself. If you’re someone who uses “should” statements often, you’re most likely beating yourself up and tearing yourself apart. You’re picking up on flaws rather than successes and accomplishments. The next time you tell yourself something along the lines of a should statement, ask yourself if it’s making you feel good. Is the thought helpful in any way?
Anxiety and Taking chances
When you get down on yourself for making even the smallest of mistakes, how could you want to venture out and try something new? You know if you fail, you’re going to make yourself feel even worse about it. You’ll endlessly criticize yourself. You think that maybe staying safe is the better option.
Having negative thinking patterns such as “I should have..” or “I could have…” leaves you wanting to take fewer risks and chances. You have less confidence in yourself and in your abilities.
What if, though, instead of beating yourself up, you were compassionate? You eased up on yourself. You focused more on what went right rather than what went wrong. You take the experience as a learning tool rather than a punishment. You notice that while some things went wrong, other things went well. This takes practice and learning new coping skills that increase your self-esteem and decrease feelings of anxiety and depression.
CBT for Negative Thinking Patterns
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is an evidence-based therapeutic practice that focuses on our thoughts and cognition. What you tell yourself directly relates to how you feel and act. When you change the way you think, you can change the way you feel. You can change your “should” statements, for example, into more rational, positive ways of thinking.
CBT in Fort Lauderdale
If you have noticed feelings of anxiety and depression and engage in negative thinking patterns, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I can help you deal with your anxieties related to feelings of insecurity over the past. I can help you work to improve your life and help you feel better about yourself. My office is located in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Don’t hesitate to call me at Essence of Healing Counseling Services at 954-526-4006. Schedule your first free 20-minute phone consultation or book your first appointment.
You Know That Nagging, Voice of Self-Doubt in Your Head? Tell It to Shut Up.
With therapy for anxiety, self esteem, or migraines, I can help you build an arsenal of tools you can use to achieve the life you deserve. Believe me. You got this!
Therapy & Coaching at Essence of Healing Counseling Services
Roberta Alves is a Therapist and Development Coach at Essence of Healing Counseling, located in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, FL. She is also a Certified Anxiety Specialist who uses the solution focused and evidence based therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy. Research has shown that cognitive behavioral therapy is proven to be extremely effective in treating anxiety and improving self-esteem. Roberta provides counseling services to her clients who live in Ft. Lauderdale and the surrounding South Florida areas in her office in downtown. If you want to learn proven techniques to overcome stress, improve your self-esteem, and achieve your goals, call (954) 526-4006 to schedule an appointment today.
