Most of us are picky about the people we date but are you picky about the new friendships that you form? Some of you may have grown up in a family that wasn’t the most supportive or loving. Surrounding yourself with support is an important aspect of mental health. You need people in your life, on your team, to feel fulfilled and happy. When those people don’t come biologically, the smartest thing to do is to look elsewhere.
It is great to be independent and self-sufficient, and to be able to rely on yourself during hard times. But having people to talk to, get advice from, and enjoy happy times with is also important. Friends provide you with energy, laughter, and care. They also increase your self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth
Friends and Self-esteem
Friendships can enhance your life and decrease feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and depression. They can encourage you to leave unhealthy and toxic relationships, get over break ups, resolve traumas, or help get you out of a rut.
Some people get caught up with life and forget to pay attention to friendships. You may be overwhelmed, overworked and tired. Friendships may have taken a backseat to your priorities. You also may have grown apart from friends due to life changes. Whatever the reason may be, having friends and a support system helps your overall well-being.
Friends and Self-esteem
Friendships can enhance your life and decrease feelings of emptiness, loneliness, and depression. They can encourage you to leave unhealthy and toxic relationships, get over break ups, resolve traumas, or help get you out of a rut.
Some people get caught up with life and forget to pay attention to friendships. You may be overwhelmed, overworked and tired. Friendships may have taken a backseat to your priorities. You also may have grown apart from friends due to life changes. Whatever the reason may be, having friends and a support system helps your overall well-being.
Benefits of Friendships
You may not realize how much friends can help you throughout your life. They help to give you purpose and a sense of belonging. They help you feel less alone and a part of something greater than yourself. Friends can also:
- Elevate your mood. Spending time with happy and positive friends can elevate your mood and change your perspective.
- Increase self-worth. Being there for your friends makes you feel needed and gives you a sense of purpose.
- Help you reach your goals. Whether you’re trying to get fit, stop talking to your ex, or start a new routine, friends can provide you with the encouragement and accountability that you need.
- Reduce stress and depression. Having an active social life can help you blow off some steam and give you a break from the daily grind. Being around friends reduces chances for isolation, a precipitator of depression.
- Support you through hard times. Friends can help you cope with your problems no matter how big or small. They can offer you an ear to listen to whatever you are going through. They can be there for you during times of need.
Building a Support System Outside of Your Family
Developing and maintaining good friendships takes effort. The enjoyment and comfort friendship can provide makes the time and effort worthwhile. Whether you are trying to maintain old friendships or create new ones, it is important to be the kind of person that people want to be around. Here are some qualities of a good friend:
- Be kind. This is at the core of all relationships. Acts of kindness and gratitude go a long way.
- Listen up. Active listening is a skill needed to have successful relations. Be there to listen to your friend. You don’t always have to jump to give advice. Sitting and hearing them out is sometimes all they need.
- Open up. Sharing your vulnerabilities isn’t always easy. But in order to create true and meaningful connections, it is important to be open. You don’t need to share your deepest darkest secrets, but being honest with how you feel and what you go through is a great start. Being willing to share personal things with a friend shows that you trust and feel comfortable with them.
- Show that you can be trusted. If a friend opens up to you, do not take that lightly. Keep what they tell you private.
- Be dependable. Be responsible and reliable. Stay true to your word. Follow through on commitments.
How to Make Friends
Friends, and by friends I mean good friends, aren’t always easy to find. Doing the things you love is always a good start. Trying new things or taking up a new hobby can lead you to meeting new people.
Some ways to make new friends could be going to a work out class rather than just attending the gym by yourself. Attend community gatherings to meet new people who live close by can be helpful. Volunteering for a cause you care about is another great way to meet like-minded, kind people as well. When you are invited to a social gathering say YES. You never know who you’re going to meet.
You may feel reluctant to get up and go. But nobody ever made friends staying home. There are apps like Meetup that you can join where you can attend events or participate in activities where you can meet new people. Have an open mind and a “yes” mentality. Don’t be afraid to initiate. Ask someone out for coffee or lunch and see where it goes.
Red flags and Friendships
Like dating, it’s important to scan for red flags. Friends are there to lift you up and make you feel good. Friends are trustworthy, dependable, and kind.
Here is a list of red flags to look out for in a “friend:”
- You feel drained after being around them
- They only talk about themselves
- They criticize you
- You feel bad when you are around them
- You have to justify your friendship to others
- You walk on eggshells around them
- They always complain to you
CBT for Helping Build Support Systems
Cognitive Behavioral therapy or CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on your thoughts. If you are struggling with building relationships, you most likely have negative thoughts about yourself and who you are as a person. You may be holding onto friendships that are unhealthy or make you feel bad because you lack confidence to walk away. CBT can help you change your negative self-talk. By changing your thoughts, you are able to change the way you feel and the way you act. CBT can teach you techniques to help you feel more comfortable in being yourself and being with other people.
Counseling in Ft. Lauderdale
If you are struggling with making or maintaining friendships, therapy may be the right route for you. I can help you work to change your negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities to have friendships. I can help you become more confident and assured in who you are. I can help you deal with all types of anxieties. I’m an expert in all things anxiety and self-esteem. Don’t hesitate to call me at Essence of Healing Counseling Services at 954-526-4006. Schedule your first free 20-minute phone consultation or book your first appointment.
You Know That Nagging, Voice of Self-Doubt in Your Head? Tell It to Shut Up.
With therapy for anxiety, self esteem, or migraines, I can help you build an arsenal of tools you can use to achieve the life you deserve. Believe me. You got this!
Therapy & Coaching at Essence of Healing Counseling Services
Roberta Alves is a Therapist and Development Coach at Essence of Healing Counseling, in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, FL. She is also a Certified Anxiety Specialist who uses the solution focused and evidence based therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy. Research has shown that cognitive behavioral therapy is proven to be extremely effective in treating anxiety and improving self-esteem. Roberta provides counseling services to her clients who live in Ft. Lauderdale and the surrounding South Florida areas through telehealth counseling via online video and phone sessions. She also provides coaching services to clients throughout the country via online video and phone sessions. If you want to learn proven techniques to overcome stress, improve your self-esteem, and achieve your goals, call (954) 526-4006 to schedule an appointment today.
