Adulting can be challenging. All of a sudden, you’re expected to know how to do everything. You need to have it all. A great job, a partner, a house, kids. You feel like you were just 17 the other day. “When did I become an adult?” you ask yourself.
You see your friends getting married and having kids. They seem like they have it all together. You, on the other hand, are struggling just to keep up with your job, dating, and keeping your apartment clean. Your to-do lists are never-ending, you may be in financial trouble, and your living situation is not as ideal as you’d hoped for. You may wonder where you went wrong.
Is adulting always going to be this hard? The anxiety of being a responsible adult may be lurking in the background. You may want to just give up. Whatever your case, adulting can become easier as you find yourself more confident and capable.
Adulting is Hard
It’s not as easy as some people make it look. You see your friends, who had fantastic weddings, beautiful children, recently bought houses, or have killer jobs. You compare yourself to them and think you’re pretty much a failure.
But stop and take a moment. Everyone has their struggles. Not everyone is on the same trajectory. Try not to compare yourself to others and their accomplishments; it’s not like they broadcast their failures or shortcomings.
Setting realistic goals is critical. You can revise these monthly or yearly. Check in with yourself and see how far you’ve come. If you have yet to set goals for yourself, there is no better time than now. Write it out and break each goal into smaller ones.
Adulting is Hard
It’s not as easy as some people make it look. You see your friends, who had fantastic weddings, beautiful children, recently bought houses, or have killer jobs. You compare yourself to them and think you’re pretty much a failure.
But stop and take a moment. Everyone has their struggles. Not everyone is on the same trajectory. Try not to compare yourself to others and their accomplishments; it’s not like they broadcast their failures or shortcomings.
Setting realistic goals is critical. You can revise these monthly or yearly. Check in with yourself and see how far you’ve come. If you have yet to set goals for yourself, there is no better time than now. Write it out and break each goal into smaller ones.
Insecurities of Being an Adult
You may think you aren’t productive enough as an adult. You may not be where you thought you’d be at this age. You simply still feel like a child trapped in the body of an adult.
What you’re feeling is normal. Society puts intense pressure on you to be this put-together adult. It’s totally okay to be stressed about actually playing that role.
After college, we are suddenly expected to have our shit together. News flash: Nobody has their shit together. Life is all about constantly working on getting there.
Maybe you saw movies where 30-something-year-olds had their lives together. Maybe your parents were your age when they had you. Times are changing. People are getting married older and living longer. You don’t need to put yourself in a box. Or set age limits. I have to get married by 30, have kids by 35. Those perceived timelines are what will seriously f*ck you up. Let go of them. Live your life, and whatever is meant to be will happen when the time is right for you.
Fear of Failure
One of the biggest fears in becoming an adult is fear of failure. You won’t get the job you’d hoped for. Or the house. Or the relationship. You’ll be a horrible parent, partner, or provider. Some people may stray away from the things they genuinely want due to fear of failing.
The voice in your head may be telling you things like “You aren’t good enough,” “You’re doing a terrible job,” “Your boss is going to fire you.” These words add up and bring on your fear of failing.
Be mindful of the things you tell yourself. They can be contributing to your anxiety.
Replace that voice with something more positive. Tell yourself things like “I’m doing the best I can,” “I’m working towards my goals,” “It’s okay to make mistakes.” The kinder you are to yourself and the more positive that voice in your head is, the less anxious you will be.
A Time of Transition
Adulthood has traditionally been defined by a combination of age and the achievement of social milestones. Most countries have a legally specified period to determine when a person is considered an adult; in the US, it’s 18. But let’s be honest, you can change that to around 25.
It is proposed that self-responsibility or self-accountability is the quintessential defining attribute to qualify us as an adult. If you break down the term, it literally means response “ability” or the ability to account for yourself and others. Before this time, you may have done things and only thought about yourself. But now that you’re an “adult,” your responsibilities have broadened, and you now have to take into consideration things and people outside of yourself.
Your late teen years and early twenties are probably the best time to explore. Travel, enter new relationships, explore different jobs. As you age, life tends to fill up with commitments. As you become an adult, you gain more responsibilities.
Taylor Swift puts adulting quite frankly, “We’re happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time.” You may feel this way because adulting is precisely this. While you may have new found freedom, that freedom comes with responsibilities. You may no longer have that large group of friends you used to do everything with because half of them are now married or engaged. You may feel out of touch with them at times. You may also feel confused as to what you need to be doing now.
How to Let Go of Adulting Anxiety
First off, lower your expectations. If you aren’t where you want to be, then take a look at where you are. You are where you need to be. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else and start taking a look at how far you’ve come. What are your accomplishments? What have you overcome this far?
Make a list of all the things that have brought you this far. School, relationships, past jobs, etc. Whether they were great or horrible, you learned from them. Be proud of how far you’ve come.
Mental health comes first. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. With all the stresses and anxieties in life, it’s sometimes easy to forget how to take care of yourself. Ensure that you are eating right, taking care of your body, and taking the time you need to feel good. You may feel overly stressed at times. This can come from a lack of time management and poor communication skills. Make sure you aren’t saying “yes” to everyone all the time. Only take on the things you can truly handle.
Adulting and Relationships
Getting all the superficial things in life (the car, the job, the house, etc.) is a supposed part of becoming an adult. But what needs to be really stressed are healthy relationships and being able to set healthy boundaries.
Having healthy boundaries helps to decrease anxiety and gives you more meaningful relationships. Learning how to say no will change your life. You’ll have more time for yourself and the things that matter.
Surrounding yourself with the right people is another part of adulting that may not be as obvious. Will Smith said, “Look at your five closest friends. Those five friends are who you are. If you don’t like who you are, then you know what you have to do.” You become who you associate with. If you have friends who impact you negatively or don’t make you happy to be around, then you have the power to change that. Another quote that applies to this is, “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.”
New Responsibilities of Becoming an Adult
Some things you might associate with being an adult include:
- Paying your bills
- Paying your taxes
- Setting money goals
- Grocery shopping
- Planning for the future
- Relationship maintenance
- Caring for yourself and your family
- Being responsible for your actions
- Being proactive with your health, job responsibilities, etc.
If any of these things on the list bring you anxiety, that’s OKAY. You aren’t alone, nor do you have to do it all alone. Learning tools to conquer these responsibilities will make for a more successful life.
New Responsibilities of Becoming an Adult
Some things you might associate with being an adult include:
- Paying your bills
- Paying your taxes
- Setting money goals
- Grocery shopping
- Planning for the future
- Relationship maintenance
- Caring for yourself and your family
- Being responsible for your actions
- Being proactive with your health, job responsibilities, etc.
If any of these things on the list bring you anxiety, that’s OKAY. You aren’t alone, nor do you have to do it all alone. Learning tools to conquer these responsibilities will make for a more successful life.
Therapy for Adulting
Therapy can really help with insecurities and anxiety. You can find out the core reasons behind your anxiety through counseling. By getting a hold of what causes your anxiety, you can finally have the power over your feelings.
Therapy can guide you in establishing goals and steps to reach them. You can learn coping skills to deal with your anxiety. You may need help and practice with assertive communication or asking for help. Living in adulthood may require you to learn a new set of skills to live a practical daily life.
CBT in Ft Lauderdale
If you have anxiety about becoming an adult, aka adulting anxiety, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I can help you deal with your anxieties related to adulting and your feelings of insecurity. I can help you work to improve your life. I’m an expert in all things anxiety and self-esteem. Don’t hesitate to call me at Essence of Healing Counseling Services at 954-526-4006. Schedule your first free 20-minute phone consultation or book your first appointment.
You Know That Nagging, Voice of Self-Doubt in Your Head? Tell It to Shut Up.
With therapy for anxiety, self esteem, or migraines, I can help you build an arsenal of tools you can use to achieve the life you deserve. Believe me. You got this!
Therapy & Coaching at Essence of Healing Counseling Services
Roberta Alves is a Therapist and Development Coach at Essence of Healing Counseling, in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, FL. She is also a Certified Anxiety Specialist who uses the solution focused and evidence based therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy. Research has shown that cognitive behavioral therapy is proven to be extremely effective in treating anxiety and improving self-esteem. Roberta provides counseling services to her clients who live in Ft. Lauderdale and the surrounding South Florida areas through telehealth counseling via online video and phone sessions. She also provides coaching services to clients throughout the country via online video and phone sessions. If you want to learn proven techniques to overcome stress, improve your self-esteem, and achieve your goals, call (954) 526-4006 to schedule an appointment today.
