Why People Avoid Conflict and Confrontation
Most people like to avoid conflict and confrontation. You assume that it will blow up in your face. You fear that by confronting someone, you’ll start a huge argument and fight.
You assume the worst. It would be better to avoid it altogether, you think. You push your feelings down and hope that all will go away.
Fear of Expressing Emotions
Expressing your emotions can be challenging. You may have a hard time identifying them, let alone putting them into words. You may have a fear of your feelings not being validated or not being heard. Expressing your emotions takes vulnerability and courage. The only way to become good at expressing your feelings is by practicing. If you aren’t sure about what you’re feeling, try to journal. You can also use a feeling chart or wheel to help pinpoint what you are feeling.
Fear of Expressing Emotions
Expressing your emotions can be challenging. You may have a hard time identifying them, let alone putting them into words. You may have a fear of your feelings not being validated or not being heard. Expressing your emotions takes vulnerability and courage. The only way to become good at expressing your feelings is by practicing. If you aren’t sure about what you’re feeling, try to journal. You can also use a feeling chart or wheel to help pinpoint what you are feeling.
How Avoiding Confrontation Holds You Back
It may appear easier to avoid conflict or confrontation altogether. But in reality, feelings fester, and you may end up taking out unexpressed feelings on people you love. Your self-esteem will take a hit too.
The more you choose not to stand up for yourself or be assertive of your feelings, you will constantly feel disregarded and walked all over. You will feel like your opinion doesn’t matter. If you choose not to express yourself, nobody else will know what is truly going on. The situation will never change, and you will feel stuck and hopeless.
How Avoiding Conflict Contributes to Your Anxiety
There may be a specific situation in your life that needs changing; a person’s actions towards you, a conversation with your boss about a long-overdue raise (check out the blog about asking for a raise at work,) maybe a chat with your significant other. The initial conversation may bring you anxiety. The more you put it off, however, the worse your anxiety will get. You tell yourself you can’t do it, you avoid it, and your anxiety grows. By avoiding confrontation, you tell yourself that it’s too complicated and that you aren’t capable. This thinking makes your anxiety worse.
Tools to Help You Decrease Anxiety and Deal With Conflict
Before having to deal with confrontation, you may experience heightened anxiety. It’s a good practice to gather your thoughts and calm your mind. When you are calm and relaxed, communication is more accessible, and you are better at communicating your emotions.
Deep breathing or diaphragmatic breathing is essential in decreasing feelings of anxiety. You can try this lying down or sitting up. Deep breathing turns off the fight-or-flight mode that is making you feel anxious.
Another tool is deep breathing alongside positive affirmations. Feeding yourself positive self-talk will increase your confidence. Telling yourself things like “I can handle this,” “I am in control of my thoughts and emotions,” or “I prioritize myself” are all examples of positive affirmations you can say to yourself. Combining this with deep breaths will center you and bring you the confidence to communicate your needs.
CBT and Dealing With Confrontation
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is an evidence-based practice proven to help treat anxiety. This type of therapy focuses on your thoughts. It is known that your thoughts lead to your feelings, which lead to your actions. If you focus on your thoughts, you can become aware of what is making you feel anxious. Awareness of your thoughts is key to changing them. Maybe you have negative thoughts around confrontation like “I will never get my point across,” “I’m going to offend them,” or “This is going to end badly.” By changing your negative thinking patterns, you can decrease your anxiety.
CBT works to re-wire your brain. The tools taught to you will help you replace your negative thoughts with more positive ones. The restructuring of your thoughts will decrease feelings of anxiety and increase your mood and self-esteem.
Counseling in Ft. Lauderdale
If you are struggling with dealing with conflict or confrontation, therapy may be the right route for you. I can help you change your negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities to express your feelings and confront others; I can help you become more confident and assured in who you are and how you communicate. I can help you deal with all types of anxieties. My office is located in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. I’m an expert in all things anxiety and self-esteem. Don’t hesitate to call me at Essence of Healing Counseling Services at 954-526-4006. Schedule your first free 20-minute phone consultation or book your first appointment.
You Know That Nagging, Voice of Self-Doubt in Your Head? Tell It to Shut Up.
With therapy for anxiety, self esteem, or migraines, I can help you build an arsenal of tools you can use to achieve the life you deserve. Believe me. You got this!
Therapy & Coaching at Essence of Healing Counseling Services
Roberta Alves is a Therapist and Development Coach at Essence of Healing Counseling, located in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, FL. She is also a Certified Anxiety Specialist who uses the solution focused and evidence based therapy called cognitive behavioral therapy. Research has shown that cognitive behavioral therapy is proven to be extremely effective in treating anxiety and improving self-esteem. Roberta provides counseling services to her clients who live in Ft. Lauderdale and the surrounding South Florida areas in her office in downtown. If you want to learn proven techniques to overcome stress, improve your self-esteem, and achieve your goals, call (954) 526-4006 to schedule an appointment today.
